Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
