Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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