I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
