I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Boobs are out for the taking
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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