yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
