Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
