You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
