Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
