I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize