Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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