i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
