just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
