dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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