So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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