Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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