I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
