so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
