Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
