NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He has the fingertips of a God
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