You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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