This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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