"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
