I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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