I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
