A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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