peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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