maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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