:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
