Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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