Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
