I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
