I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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