This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize