Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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