I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
