why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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