I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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