I'm really into asian looking animals
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
