Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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