Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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