She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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