So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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