She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
