Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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