you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
