I smell stomach acid.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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