i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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