LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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