hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
