I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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