drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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