matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
me + whiskey = a bad person
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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