I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
