Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
