Nicole vs. Life
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
