So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
