im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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