Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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